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Why Your Team Sucks 2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Some people are fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs. This 2. 01. 7 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

Your team: Tampa Bay Bucs. Your 2. 01. 6 record: 9- 7. In those seven losses, the Bucs gave up nearly five touchdowns a game. Derek Carr hung 5. Raiders committed 2. The Rams hung 3. 7 on them somehow.

This is a rough estimate, but 9. Tavon Austin’s total receiving yards last year came against the Bucs. But please keep telling me that this is an up- and- coming defense.

This team still starts Chris Conte. During real games, no less! Your coach: Dirk Koetter.

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Well, I am sure there are plenty of people that think my playcalling stinks… But I’ve been doing it for 3. I don’t think I’m going to forget how.” Well actually, Dirk, in your NFL career your teams have had a winning percentage below . So it’s not that you’ve forgotten how to call plays, but rather the fact that you never learned how to call them to begin with. By the way, the Bucs were this season’s designated Hard Knocks victim. Let’s see what kind of EXCLUSIVE ACCESS we’ve been given into Koetter and his coaching methods. Christ. Honestly, it’s like they just draw slogans out of a hat every year.

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Your quarterback: Congratulations, Jameis Winston! Your sexual battery case was finally dismissed after reaching an undisclosed settlement with your accuser! Finally, you can put this whole ordeal behind you.

What a hardship it must have been. For YOU. Now Jameis is free to be a “leader” who “absorbs the playbook like a sponge” and “routinely commits turnovers that belong in silent comedies”: Every time I gotta read some horseshit about Jameis’s uncommon maturity and growth as a passer, it’s like people completely forget that, at least once a game, he will take the snap and proceed to re- enact every Nordberg scene from The Naked Gun. By the way, Jameis has been the showcase star of this season’s Hard Knocks. Here he is killing a cockroach while it’s mating: Technically, that’s ALSO sexual assault. And here he is acting like Taylor Swift in the front row of an award show: I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that Jameis Winston may not be the most genuine (or mature) fellow in the world.

Fresh off beating the rap, he had the balls to lecture a group of schoolgirls about being silent, polite, and gentle. Fuck his phony ass with a pirate flag. Thankfully, the Bucs imported a MENTOR to help him become 5. That’s right. It’s Harvard Man, in the flesh!

I could be dead in the ground 5. I swear that Ryan Fitzpatrick could still be holding down an NFL roster spot for no reason whatsoever. This team now has not one, but TWO Harvard grads on the roster. I swooooon at the potential for elevated sideline discourse.

Oh, nothing coach. Just sipping some Gatorade and discussing the impact on South China Sea trade routes should a preemptive strike in North Korea take place [FARTS]” What’s new that sucks: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU CUT THE KICKER.

Yes, after trading up to draft Roberto Aguayo in the second round, the Bucs had to cut him and replace him with Nick Folk…Priceless. That’s what you get for FSU- ifying half the roster. No one should ever let this team forget about the Aguayo draft bust. Watch Run All Night Online IMDB. This was already one of the worst picks in draft history before they released the poor bastard. They should put a monument to the trade next to the stadium bathroom.

GM Jason Licht should have to walk around with a sandwich board that says I TOOK A KICKER IN THE SECOND ROUND LIKE A MORON all day long.“I’m owning up to it by releasing him. It was a bold move and it didn’t work out. Watch Miss Congeniality Online Hoyts here.

I don’t know what else to say.” “Bold” isn’t the word I’d use there, amigo. Elsewhere on the roster, De. Sean Jackson is here! On paper, the arrival of Jackson and absolute stud TE OJ Howard (drafted to replace the drunk driver they originally had at that slot) make the Bucs one of the best young passing teams in football. But, as someone who has watched De. Sean Jackson over the years, I can assure you that every accidental fumble Winston makes is one that Jackson can make deliberately.

Doug Martin was suspended for the first four games for Adderall, and will be suspended four more after he beats my ass for screaming MUSCLE HAMSTER at him from a nearby balcony. Mike Evans drops passes as swiftly as he drops visible Anthem protests. Jon Gruden is getting inducted into the team’s ring of honor this season, even though Bill Callahan’s playsheet should have been inducted way before him. One of the linemen dined and dashed on a five- figure club tab.

What has always sucked: Miko Grimes claimed that she deliberately got her husband cut in Miami so he could come to Tampa. You played yourself, lady. Only an idiot would scheme to leave the glistening shores of South Beach to go to live in the middle of a Dog the Bounty Hunter fancon. She must have thought she could avoid the tax man there.

I may be biased here because a jury of Tampa tattoo artists bankrupted this site’s former company, but for real, Fuck Tampa. Tampa is the Arizona of Florida. Tampa is a seething mass of divorcees and wannabe pirates deliberately living in the cheesiest possible area. The Bucs stadium isn’t even the most popular building on its block (that honor goes to Mons Venus). There’s a reason that Jon Gruden has a completely unironic love of Hooters. That’s 1. 00 percent Tampa right there. I’m surprised they don’t blare Hoobastank from air raid signals all day long.

I took my family to Tampa for Spring Break once. Seagulls tried to eat our dinner every night and some lady brought an entire hi- fi system to the pool so she could play Bon Jovi. Tampa is the worst. It’s the only city in America aiming to REDUCE mass transit. Nazis are everywhere.

Local sports teams had to give money just to get a Confederate statue taken down and it still hasn’t been taken down. A local middle school tried to sell kids a $1. The Scientologists are the most normal people there. Fuck Tampa eternally. VIVA GAWKER, MOTHERFUCKER. What might not suck: They’re good enough on offense to score 4. Did you know? HEAR IT FROM BUCS FANS! Matthew: Robert Aguayo.

Robert Aguayo. Robert Aguayo. Anton: There is nothing worse than waiting for decades for your team to get a potentially elite QB and then have him be an alleged rapist. Who tells groups of young girls they need to shut up and let the men lead. Alex: Fuck Josh Freeman. Joseph: In two season Jameis will be the Bucs all=time leader in passing yards, surpassing Vinny fucking Testaverde. Jeb Lund: The problem with Why Your Team Sucks is that, every year, I strive to think of something uniquely bad about the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, some suck- property that grounds the team athletically and geographically in a characteristic awfulness that other people can point to and say, “I get why thisteam blows.”But I’m starting to think that’s misguided, like writing a negative review of a flat, sad Big Mac. It’s a mediocrity expected, universal and unenlightening, as dissatisfying as you want it to be, assuming you need to buy it at all.

Apart from the pirate ship, Raymond James Stadium is unlovely in the way most stadiums are unlovely. It’s not exiled to some featureless exurban hinterland, but it’s not in a downtown core accessible to walking or convenient public transportation. Before games, the neighborhood food carts and stalls are all pleasantly above average; afterward, the hassle of finding a way to get to something else to do is what you’d expect. Are the owners soulless profiteers using the NFL revenue stream to underwrite more exciting pursuits while relying on die- hard, underserved suckers? Yes. Does this distinguish them from most NFL owners? No. A Bucs fan gets grifted like everybody else.

The Latest Plan to Fix the Silicon Valley Housing Crisis Is to Build on Top of Trash. Housing in the Santa Clara region of California is insanely expensive. Tech companies have taken to building modern day versions of mill towns just so their employees have a place to live. The latest solution to pick up traction in the area is to build on top of disused landfills and regulators are warming to the idea.

The housing situation has gotten so ridiculous in Palo Alto, the original home of Facebook and…Read more Read. Back in August of last year, Bloomberg reported that the median price of a home in the Palo Alto area had risen to $2. That’s thirteen times the national average. Tech workers making six figures complain that they have to get roommates to afford to live.

And residents have waged war against the homeless. Now, a developer named Related Companies is bidding to build a $6.

It will be called City Place, exactly the kind of name you’d expect from an organization called Related Companies. The site is no longer used for dumping.

A golf course and a BMW track were built on top years ago. But that’s not the same as proposing that 1,6. Toxic vapors, dangerous gasses, and ground water contamination are all issues that have to be accounted for.

The regulators were pretty skeptical at the start, I have to say,” Stephen Eimer, an executive vice president with Related tells Mercury News. After much back and forth, Bay Area regulators have finally accepted Related’s technical document that outlines how the site would be made safe. A foot- thick concrete barrier would be laid over 3.

Housing would be built over shops and restaurants to create more distance between the residents and the waste. Sensors and alarm systems would monitor gasses and a separate system would collect and dispose of it.

The Santa Clara County Department of Environmental Health, California Department of Resources Recycling and Recovery, and the San Francisco Bay Regional Water Quality Control Board have all accepted Related’s proposal but that doesn’t mean that it’s a done deal. The green light to build never really happens until you get the last permit,” Ruth Shikada, Santa Clara’s assistant city manager tells Mercury News. While other landfills in the area have been used for retail, nothing on the scale of what Related’s asking for has been approved before. Keith Roberson, senior engineering geologist with the water quality control board, called Related’s proposal “a solid plan,” and he worries about setting a precedent. He emphasized that all proposals will have to be evaluated on a case- by- case basis. More research and monitoring will be necessary before any approvals will be made.

The City of San Jose is also suing the City of Santa Clara over the project. San Jose claims that the imbalance of 2. That argument certainly makes it sound like fixing one problem would just be creating another. If all goes to plan you could be living on top of a City Park Starbucks—with totally safe drinking water that definitely isn’t going to explode—within 5- 7 years.[Mercury News].